Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
