A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
