I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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