Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
