My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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