OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
