i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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