my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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