that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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