Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
