it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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