areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
