how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
