we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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