mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
