so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
