I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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