I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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