I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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