I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
