Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
