Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I see more hoeing in ur future
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
