Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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