dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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