What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
everyone is single if you try hard enough
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
