first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
