I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
