I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize