Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
