All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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