You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she peed on how many people?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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