last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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