Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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