you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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