half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
