the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
