There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
