So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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