I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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