9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize