I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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