Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
