It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize