shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
tell me about the fingering
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