man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
