ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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