she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
