Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
