I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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