Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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