So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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