I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
