so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize