If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
