woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
