Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
