I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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