It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
