Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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