what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's get the cat blown out
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
