im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
