She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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