were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
