I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
