oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
